Dr Pam Spurr

The key to looking interested not desperate when dating!

The key to looking interested not desperate when dating!

Many singles give off the impression that life is fabulous on their own, as a defence mechanism, to protect them from rejection. It sure works – men quickly pick up statements like, ‘I love those little meals-for-one,’ and ‘It’s fantastic to do whatever I want, whenever I want,’ and decide you’re not looking for love. They don’t bother and this reconfirms that she’s not going to capture someone’s heart so she does it even more! Bite your tongue when you feel like throwing such things into the conversation. Turn them around in a humorous way, e.g., ‘Those little meals for one wouldn’t feed a mouse!’ Slowly but surely you can get rid of this façade.

The key to looking interested without appearing desperate lies in two other things: Your inner self-confidence and your outer self through the ability to flirt and use the body language of ‘love’ appropriately. A self-confident woman is willing to meet a man halfway in those first few, potentially fraught, encounters, rather than doing all the chasing or using the defence mechanism that shouts ‘stay away’. Self-confidence allows you to be yourself, have your own opinions, disclose appropriate levels of personal information and to be genuinely interested in him. And being able to show your interest through appropriate flirting where you maintain good eye contact, flick your hair, touch your décolletage or any of the flirty things unique to you when you’re interested in a man. You’ll end up in ‘synchrony’ during a conversation because your easy confidence allows you to listen attentively when he’s speaking (as inside you’re NOT fretting inside over where the conversation is going) and participate fully when you’re talking. Without confidence either you ‘slam the door’ on him getting to know you or you gush with such enthusiasm that he runs a mile. It’s absolutely true that if you’re happy in your life as a single that’s when you’ll attract the most men. Makers of being confident but not desperate include 1/ maintaining your life so you don’t drop plans when he rings; 2/ that you’re not always at the end of the phone when he rings; 3/ that you want to see him but won’t ‘die’ if you don’t; 4/ that equally you meet his friends as you expect him to meet yours; 5/and that revealing your inner thoughts and feelings becomes like a slow strip tease retaining a little mystery as you don’t wear your heart on your sleeve.