Are you suffering the perfectionist syndrome?
Looking forward to my agony slot on Dublin News talk radio after 10 AM. One of the dilemmas we're going to tackle is a 32-year-old woman who's fed up with her mother never liking any of her boyfriends and now that she's engaged - her mother doesn't cut her fiance any slack. Evidently he's a very nice man but her mother never sees anyone as good enough. Listen in on the Net if this is happening to you!
Also going to sort out what we're going to talk about on BBLB tomorrow - looking forward to that!
Today I've read that Cheryl Tweedy's collapse was due to contracting the malaria parasite on holiday to Tanzania. I wish her well - my father had malaria after a trip to Africa and it recurred every few years - he'd be awfully sick and I really hope Cheryl gets better very soon.
But it takes me back to what everyone originally thought: that she was suffering from exhaustion and at first it seemed like she was a girl who'd forgotten how to have fun. So sticking with that topic -- I meet plenty of people who work 24/7 and don't have any more fun. Often I find this is down to "the perfectionist syndrome" as I call it - this is where someone (anyone can feel this, not just celebs) has huge expectations for what they should be like - the way they look, the clothes they wear, being seen to do the right thing, having the right ‘profile’, etc.
It's a mammoth task to keep all that spinning but what happens when someone like that goes through a crisis - as we all do at some point - the perfectionist syndrome goes into overdrive - they feel they have twice as much to prove to make everybody think highly of them!
This can happen to anyone - and I've had clients who live in this way - as well as meeting a fair few high-powered people who are perfectionists - and the higher the profile , the lower their self-esteem plunges when they have a crisis. It's a horrible place to be.
So if you have become a perfectionist or stress addict - who feels compelled to be on the go, to perform, to achieve 24/7 - then you must recognise this cycle and break it.
TODAY’S THOUGHT: In my new book How to be a Happy Human I have loads of tips to combat perfectionism and stress addiction behaviours - and anyone struggling would be wise to do things like - take one day at a time, develop a strict ‘red ink’ approach to your diary - and scratch out things you simply don't have the emotional strength to do, learn that it's okay to say No to excess demands, cut yourself some slack turn that ‘little devil’ on your shoulder, who criticises everything you do, into a softer, kinder voice that praises the good things about you.
There were lots of negative comments on my article in the Daily Mail yesterday - it was about the "golden window" for marriage - if you want to marry that is - obviously not everyone does. You know, you can’t argue with the facts. A major piece of relationship research - properly conducted (not simply a survey) - found that people who meet and marry in this time have a far less likely chance of divorcing.
But sometimes people find the truth hard to swallow. Of course there are thousands of couples who marry after the golden window and survive - but statistics show that is less likely. And there are couples who marry in that golden window who divorce. But the truth is you're more likely to stay together in that timeframe. I find it fascinating.
Enjoy your day! Love, Pam X