AS TWEETED ABOUT - long distance relationships
I've been asked for a few thoughts on long distance relationships so here goes...
I’ve found the four biggest problems couples face in long-distance relationships are:
1/ A lack of trust
2/ Feeling neglected
3/ Placing too high expectations on their time together
4/ Finding their time together is eaten up by the mundane, but necessary, things of life like DIY, paying bills, shopping for household things, etc.
Trust is hard enough to build in a relationship where you see each other regularly but even harder where there’s distance.
Many in long distance relationships feel their lover could ‘do more’ to make them feel loved and missed– and so neglect plays a big part.
The third problem of placing high expectations on their time together means that they can feel let down when things go wrong, e.g., on their weekend together, one has a headache so sex is off the agenda, their plans backfire etc.
So they need to keep a grip on the fact that just because they haven’t seen each other for a fortnight it doesn’t mean it’s going to be all ‘hearts, flowers and moonlight’.
The fourth problem of facing things that need to be done in any long term relationship, e.g., they have a flat together, and the weekend the man is home they need to spend fixing some problems can make it feel like their small amount of time is a chore.
A few tips:
Keep contact frequent - better to have more phone calls when you're apart in a couple long ones. Message and e-mail each other regularly too.
Keep it flirty - it's more fun to receive a flirty and positive message than one droning on about all the problems you're facing.
Of course let them know how much you're missing them - that's very different than complaining about every little thing that's gone wrong in your day.
Turn up the heat - if you're both comfortable start experimenting with a bit of phone sex. Loads of detail will get you both turned on!
Send each other little surprises – a CD you know they'll like, even their favourite chocolate bar - lovely to get something in the post when you're apart
If it all goes wrong when you have a weekend together don't see it as the "end of the world". Talk about it, let them know you wished it had gone better and then be positive about avoiding whatever the mistakes were the next time you're together. Good luck, 'happy loving' at a distance!