Saving love, to the horror of Cumbria...
Before I touch upon the horror that unfolded in Cumbria yesterday I want to point you in the right direction if your relationship/romance is on the rocks. I've written an article in today's Daily Express newspaper highlighting some unique ways to get things back on track. These are techniques I devised that have been a great success for many people - I urge you to try them.
In between meetings yesterday I heard the unfolding trauma meted out on the innocent people of Cumbria in periodic radio news broadcasts. It's so staggeringly unbelievable when on a beautiful June day, a man could decide to take a gun and cut people down in cold blood. I have lots to say about this and as I'm running into meetings I'm going to continue this afternoon.
… back now, to Derrick Bird who has shattered so many peoples’ lives with his rampage. I once thought about going into criminology as I've always had a great interest in forensic psychology - picking apart the whys and wherefores of dangerous criminal minds. Everyone snaps from time to time, everyone has disagreements, everyone feels put down, criticised or misunderstood at times. Even alienated at times. No one escapes having their self-esteem battered or pride damaged. However, thankfully, it's the rare person when such things come together in their life who takes such calculated and evil action.
You'll find all such "themes" - or combinations of such themes in the background of spree killers. But, that’s after the fact, and it's almost impossible to predict someone going into meltdown and becoming a spree killer.
Another aspect of the danger that lurks in spree killers is that they go on automatic pilot and detach from a normal sense human decency. They may start by shooting those they have a grudge against - that they somehow justify to themselves - but then they let loose on anyone who comes across their path. This automatic pilot has been described by a number of eyewitnesses to yesterday's tragedy - they described a calm and cool look in his eyes - no anger - just detached emotions.
But let's take a moment to think of the families and lives he’s devastated. The innocent victims he killed, the survivors he's maimed, their families, loved ones and friends left behind, as well as the family he leaves behind. They are the ones having to live with his actions from now on. How do you overcome such a shocking end to a loved one's life? How can you ever make sense of such diabolical actions? How can you feel safe again? Only with the utmost care, love, support and so much time needs to pass, can these survivors begin to heal at all. This will be incredibly slow, painful, tough process . My heart goes out to them.
As, though, this is an otherwise beautiful June day let's move on to something else, and not traumatic, to think about:
I'd take issue with the survey reported in today's papers about women needing four true friends - yes, four true friends might be the ideal but I find many of the women I know or coach are perfectly happy with one or two true friends.
The Americans have a rather morbid, but apt, saying that you just need one "body shifter" in your life - that one person you could ring in the middle of the night when, say, the married man you're having an affair with has collapsed and died of a heart attack, and she'll help you shift the body!
Heavens forbid if you actually need to call upon your truest friend for such a service! I think a survey like this can be quite damaging to the women who feel they are blessed with one or two really great friends - it sets up this whole unrealistic Sex in the City-type expectations that you should have many great gal-pals there for you, when from my work experience I know one or two will do the job.
TODAY’S THOUGHT: I'm blessed as I have four or five true friends (and many, many great pals and acquaintances) that I can utterly rely on, however I know it doesn't have to be this way and feel women shouldn't be under pressure to feel their life is lacking if they don't have that. So please be grateful if you have even one dear friend and make sure they know how much you appreciate them.
Till this afternoon, Pam X