Dr Pam Spurr

In a new relationship? Damage Limitation for Your First Disagreement!

Advice My column for Wingman Dating App...

It’s bound to happen, sometimes sooner, sometimes later, but you will have your first disagreement. The first disagreement can send some people into a panic especially if they’ve only been dating a short time.

It doesn’t necessarily have to spell ‘red flags’ for your new relationship because you’ve argued. It can be a great learning experience about each other and actually lead to a more significant relationship than simply dating.

Here are some damage limitation top tips:

(These will help you argue ‘well’!)

*Choose a moment when you’re both calm to talk about things

*Switch-off mobiles/tech, to prevent interruptions.

*Agree one goal to discuss about what you’ve argued about. Let’s say that you’ve argued generally about how one of you wants to see the other more frequently. The goal could be to understand how busy that person is so they could tell you more about how they spend their time meaning that at this point they expect fewer dates.

*Give each other a few minutes uninterrupted talking time.

*Begin with a positive, for example, say something specific about the fun you’ve had on your first few dates.

*Accept responsibility for your part in the issue - problems are rarely 100% one person's fault.

*Agree if things start getting heated you'll stop, take a breather, and try a different tack discussing the issue.

*Reflect back to him/her what he/she says to you, to see that you've understood them correctly. Because when we’re angry or upset we often misinterpret things.

*Tell them what most attracts you to them – always a winner.

*Beware how much you moan to family or friends about little disagreements you have with him/her. If you make it sound like it is all a ‘negative’ they might start worrying unnecessarily about this very new relationship. Keep chats with friends/family balanced.

Good luck! You might settle any stress between you and go on to have a fabulous relationship. Or maybe it will fizzle out anyway but these tips give it a chance.

If there are any little ones in your life, Dr Pam’s first children’s story book is out now: http://tinyurl.com/36y3xr6n

I don't want you to stop speaking to each other...