Wish you could take the lead in bed?
I like to mention topics that I get a high level of e-mails about - and one of them is people who are passive in bed. I hear from many who wish they could be more assertive.
‘Cause what do you get when you're more assertive in bed? You get better sex!
There are a few core reasons why people hold back from asking for what they want - feeling inhibited is a common one. You just fill frozen with nerves and so you don't suggest the things you'd like to try.
Another is having had a bad experience in bed - maybe an ex-partner said you weren't any good - and that means the next partner has to take the lead all the time. It leaves you with such damaged sexual confidence that you won't dare suggest anything.
You can build assertiveness in bed - just take it one step at a time. A good starting point is getting to know your own body - through masturbation find out what feels good.
Once you've got to grips with your own sexual responses it's easier to guide your partner's hands, lips and mouth to these pleasure-zones!
TODAY’S TIP: definitely start challenging negative thinking. When a thought pops in your head like: I wish I could ask for this or that [whatever it is you'd like to ask for in bed] take a moment to think about how you could say it. Then in a loving tone of voice ask for it... most partners will be turned on by you asking!
Go on, you don't have to be passive in bed - time to get what you want and you can do that tactfully but assertively.
Take care of yourself, Pamx